Tuesday, March 8, 2011
This has been 11 years in the making
Im a newcomer to the blogging world so bear with me. For the past 11 years I have been involved in a fight that has at times knocked me down and took away the very will to live but somehow some way I get up dust myself off and keep going. Today I got a letter that finally was the last straw for me and decided to put pen to paper (hands to keyboard whatever). I had written a letter to the adoptawitch who would like me to think her name is Julie ok Ill go with it personally I think its satan but thats just me. For 11 years this woman has repeatdly called me "birthmother" and I have asked her not to she also had not told my son about his true roots until this very year. I finally sent her a letter telling her how it is, now I tried to be polite but the anger in me poured out onto paper. I asked her if she would like to be reffered to as "adoptive" mom and if she thought that was disrespectful she should think about my feelings for the past 11 years and drop the labels. I aslo told her she needs to read up on adoption and educate herself and not just the adopters views but the adoptees views. I gave her some book suggestions and told her to become informed. I questioned her choice in doctors the doctor who told her it would be "harmful" to my son to have contact with me and his siblings. Asked her if he has adoption expierence what his role is and how many years does he have specifically working with adoptees. I told her I have many adoptee friends and they wish they had known where they came from early on and I told her I dont think she has Nicks (I named him Ben) best intrest at heart but her own. I tried to explain the primal wound and told her even if you provide him the most loving happy home he will always be lacking something and though he may not express it or acknowledge it it will always be there under the surface ready to erupt. Then I just deicded to be rude and finished up the letter explaining that the letter was late because of my pregnancy and being so ill but it would all be worth it at the time of birth and when I get to hold my new baby girl. I know it burns her that this "white trash slut" what she has called me many times can get pregnant and give life but she cant. So anyhow today I get a letter explaining to me that Nick still has no desire to meet me and probably never will. The doctor she informed has been working with my son for 8 years she didnt elborate on what kind of doctor he is. She always said hes severly delayed and that contact from me to him could really emotionally injure him. Really WTF?? If he doesnt have any desire which I doubt its because hes following her lead. If hes delayed thats her fault too my kids are delayed they are actually with the exception of marissa whos smart in her own special way, are extremely smart and sam has been deemed gifted. So being the naughty combative "birthmother" I am needed to be put in her place and she went on to tell her shes more educated in the subject of adoption and that Nick is her son and she knows whats best for him and how would I know I dont even know him. Umm well hu I dont know him cause you made sure I wouldnt be part of his life. She also sent me a crappy little paper picture of him further putting me in my place. Well thats todays rant I will be putting up my story and the 11 year fight soon but this last interaction is what prompted this tirade today. Enjoy reading but believe I dont hold back and adoption riles me so be prepared. Thanks!