Thursday, March 17, 2011

Labels a way to keep us down

I cant tell you how many times Ive gone to an adoption site and I have seen adopters saying Im not an "adoptive" mom Im just mom. But then in the very next breath they call the woman whos child they stole the "birthmother." Ok so its ok to use labels only when its suits the need of the adopters. So lets get down to the nitty gritty lets peel back the layers and explore the labels. Birthmother is a label used to put us mothers in our place. A label inventened by the industry to emotionally seperate us from our children and condition our mind to believe our only connection to this baby is the birthing process. By calling a woman a birthmother before she gives birth is basically saying she has no rights and her only job is to carry the child birth the child and turn it over. This is so wrong on so many levels. Never have I met a mother who did not feel a strong connection to her baby during pregnancy at birth and after. Our bond does not end at birth as the industry wants people to believe. While I was pregnant with my son I bonded with him I spent nights feeling him kick and hearing his hearbeat at dr appointments I loved him from the start. When he was born and placed in my arms briefly I felt the same thing I have felt with all my children extreme love and maternal instict. Just because he was later stolen from does not mean I stopped feeling these things. Im more then just the woman whom birthed him. Im the woman who still continues to love him and think about him and wonder if one day Ill put my arms around him again Im his mom till the day I die my love says so my bond says so and above all DNA says so. Next label adoptive mom. First off I do not believe an adopter deserves the title mother. To be a mother I mean a real true mom you have to have a DNA connection Im sorry thats my feeling but theres more so Ill go on. As many peopel will agree with me when your are pregnant you bond with your baby from hearing that first hearbeat to seeing the first ultrasound feeling the first kick these are what bond us to our babies what bonds our babies to us is hearing our voice becoming accoustomed to our heartbeat, smell everything about us baby is in tuned to. When a baby hears its mothers voice at birth it turns to her voice when laid on her chest it regonizes her sent. Mother and child have already bonded and no amount of love, money, or time can ever erase that bond. Just because you pay for or "adopt" someone does not make it "of you" babys are not blank slates. You can try to mold the child and shape the child but that child already has a blueprint of who he or she is. You may argue a mother is who takes care of the child the one who walks the floors at night and is their for the firsts. I cant agree because a nanny can also be there for that a caregiver, daycare. So what really makes a mother in my opinion the strong undeniable bond formed in utero. DNA the very blueprint of what makes us who we are. So as for the labels the can not keep me down any longer Ive bonded with my son Im his MOTHER through and through its because of me and his father that he is who he is and who he will be. Adoptive mother to me that merely means unpaid nanny. Im aware this post is very controversial but these are my personal beliefs so if you dont agree you can kindly agree to disagree but dont bother commenting because you will not be changing my beliefs.


  1. Wonderful post and so very true.
    I personally hate the term "birth mother." I find it insulting for many of the same reasons you listed. When a woman gives birth to a child they are that child's mother for the rest of its life, not just the start. If there has to be a label I would prefer "true mother" be the label given to the woman who gave the child life. If I were to ever adopt a child and if that child's mother wanted to be involved in their child's life, who am I to deny them that? I think I would honestly prefer to adopt a child where the mother wanted to be involved. I would be the "adoptive mother" or "second mother" but I would never be the child's true mother. That is a title the can never be taken away from any woman who has given birth.

  2. I was, am, and will always be "MOM" - no amount of anything can change that.