Friday, April 22, 2011
Hes broken and I cant fix him
Ugh the more things I read the more its aggravates me. I hate hate people talking about how adoption saves children and gives them such a good life reallyyyyyyyy???? But of course who wants to believe me cause Im just the bitter birthmother who cant come to terms with her choice *snort.* One girl in particular who is always on my birthboard bragging about how shes giving away her baby so he can have a better life and shes doing this because she loves him. Then everyone praises her and tell hers how wonderful she is and how its so wonderful thats shes giving her baby this amazing life. Yep its awesome that she wants to inflict a lifetime of pain and wondering on her son its so wonderful to make her son feel like a second class citizen for the rest of his life and hes not even born yet. I wanna shake the stupid out of her. I tried to explain this stuff and sent tons of links and basically was called every name in the book whatever. I too drank this kool aid when I was pregnant and I wish someone had been there to educate me. My son is emotionally and developmentally broken. The letters say hes so delayed and so socially inept I have to wonder why. All I ever heard was that he was going to have this amazing life that poor young stupid undeserving me couldnt provide him. No one ever told me that even IF and this is a big IF his adopters were good loving wanna be parents they cant help him. They can love him and give him every want in the world but has it helped? No apparently not. Somehow some way you feel the different abandonment why wasnt I good enough goes through your head why was the one person who was my everything give me away what did I do? No amount of anything is going to make that feeling go away. Its the primal wound the deepest break a break of your self esteem your confidence your soul. Instead of this great life my son was supposed to have hes feeling pain and like I just gave him away and never looked back if only he knew all I did was look back. The day I allowed myself to loose him I started the break and his adopters continue the break. It goes against everything in my mommy nature to not be able to "fix" him. Will I be able to save him when I meet him or is he forever broken beyond repair?? Yes adoption certainley saved someone his adoptress from feeling like the barren bitch she is. But my son no it broke him ruined him and that folks is the adoption name of the game seek and destroy.